SUMMER AND SUNSHINE PLEASE :)

GOAL: Getting my little butt into shape this winter. Just because it is snowing and freezing outside does not give me any excuse to hibernate in the house eating all sorts of junk food. Cali is so lucky that they have no time to get fat because it is always semi warm there with the SUN!!! Introducing my SKINNY MINNY YELLOW POLKA DOT BIKINI CHALLENGE. When summer hits, and potentially for my birthday I would like to be prepared to strut out on the beach looking fierce :)

I also feel it is about time that I also find out how to become a spin instructor, go to get my esthiology license, start my modeling career, getting a fantastic calling in the church, join a soup kitchen to serve, get a second job... who knows what else, the sky is the limit- as BIGGY says.

I forgot that the only person who is going to take care of me is me. I forgot that I am living in a world where the majority of  people place themselves first before others. I am my number one fan, and worth every dream that is placed in my heart. There are great times where you need to place others needs before your own. However, there are times when you can place too much attention on other and lose yourself. That has happened, there is no beating around the bush on that one. Even when on the surface I feel like I have been so consumed in myself. There is no one more important than myself at this point in my life... I need to find myself before this... what ever this is...

This will come off a little bit negative...

Can't lie, I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed. I think I need to set up some new rules for myself. I know that I have been so consumed in myself lately, but yet I feel like I haven't spent anytime on myself at all. I need more uplifting activities that can help me grow for the better. I also need to stop obsessing about the things that I wish I had but can't at this time. And the things that aren't fair... Since I keep running into obstacles that are frustrating or delaying my dreams, well instead of crying, I just need to fit my dreams to my resources and focus on the things I do have. No I probably wont have the wedding that I have always dreamed of, but my Dad probably couldn't have afforded the Saint Patrick Cathedral in New York anyways, or Vera Wang personally making my wedding dress. And so what if I wont be able to get the photographer I wanted, doesn't mean I wont find someone who will take pictures that will be just as good for less money. And my dress could be hand-me-down, I could have only 3 flowers in my bouquet stolen from my neighbors beautiful garden, no centerpieces, my reception could be in a gazebo with park benches and the food could be "bring your own potluck item," with Polaroid disposable cameras ... and I am sure the list could go on and on. Honestly, those material things are nice, but the only person's face I keep seeing with all this planning is James. Deep down I want amazing things, but I am coming to realize the reason I want those things is for him. I want him to have the best wedding HE could ever have imagined. I want him to stand in the most beautiful chapel/beach/park/terrace when I walk down the aisle in an outfit that makes him feel better than James Dean, with his amazing smile and tears in his eyes, and then hand-in-hand meet all my friends and family in the nicest reception with a color scheme and delicious dessert items. I want him to look back at our wedding and only have the fondest memories. There are a million details I know he doesn't care about, and maybe wont even notice when the day comes, but he only deserves the best. I want to give him that. Guess I am just stuck on the when and how...

Alright, so I need to start reading and finishing the books I start to read. I need to stop eating junk and keep up with the work out routines even with out the gym membership. I need less noise of the world and more meditation. I need service. I need a savings account. I need to start preparing for being a wife and a mother like I was in Utah. I need to start really listening and following the Prophet. I need to be nicer at and after work, treating everyone the way they would like to be treated.I need to be a better friend and listener. I need to work on my testimony again, and keep working on it. I need to begin to love myself again.

Happy New Year :)))))

 For New Years Eve I went to Mac's with my mom, Deanna, and her mom. It was a lovely dinner and great company. It was fun to look back and see how much I have grown up and where I am today from where I have been in the past.

(top: dee and me, bottom: my mom and me)

It is a new year!!!! This means I have to start my new year resolutions. I have been placing a lot of thought into what would me making its way onto my new years list. I have came to the conclusion that it will be an onward progression... I will just have to keep adding to the list because change is a life long journey to perfection. 

THE LIST: 

1. Give up sugar

2. Make working out a daily habit

3. Pray and read scriptures 

4. Do more service

5. Be genuine and lovely to EVERYONE

6. Have a good day every day

7. Show more gratitude, even for the trials

8. Read more (join a book club)

9. Learn how to cook more dishes 

I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!

Yes it's true. It has finally happened. I have finally found someone WAY better than that Prince Charming the story books were always going on and on about. He is way better than the man I could have dreamed up for myself and I have never been happier.

You are probably asking yourself how it happened. Well... I am so head over heals in love with this man that honestly all I want is eternity with him. In that case it was only natural for me that for Christmas I asked James for a ring. It was Christmas Eve day and I was getting ready in the bathroom for all the adventures we had planned. James came strolling in looking more dashing than ever just smiling at me his oh so charming smile. He asked me, "Am I ever going to get any alone time from you?" Being the blonde at heart that I am didn't quite understand this question. I ushered him inside the bathroom and closed the door. Smiling at my big accomplishment I said, "Of course. See we can have alone time right now." He must have understood my confusion and restated the question, "No, am I ever going to get alone time FROM you?" Now me being the sensitive one that I am was a little hurt that he wanted to be away from me, especially since we are doing the long distance relationship and don't get to be together that often. I opened the door and said, "Yes, of course, you can have alone time right now." Guessing by the tone of my voice I can only assume that he understood my misunderstanding of what he was trying to say and could hear the hurt in my voice. He then assured me that he really didn't want alone time from me and closed the door behind him again Taking me into his arms he explained that he had planned a couple ways to do this, but wasn't going to be able to do it like he had planned. He began to go on about how happy I make him and how much he loves me. Then taking my left hand he slipped on the most beautiful ring I had ever seen.

 (the ring :) )

He told me that this ring was for the woman who made him the happiest man he had ever been and once he found her he was never going to let her go. Honestly I was in such shock. I just looked at my ring in a complete daze that he was actually asking me to marry him. Then he asked, "Will you spend time and all eternity with me?" I quickly whipped around and said "YES!!!" giving him a large hug and then went back to looking at my gorgeous ring. What happened next is just one of the many reasons I love this man. "Oh gosh that was terrible. I can't believe I just asked you to marry me in a bathroom... Augh!" Ha ha ha. Knowing that he would beat himself up about it all day I slipped off the ring giving it back to him and explained that he could ask me all day to marry him if he wanted, but that his proposal was PERFECT. He is just perfect.

We had a date set out for May and then James was told that he could attend Ranger school. That was something that he has been looking forward to and dreaming about doing so we were only to happy to have him accept and push back our wedding date. We will keep everyone posted though of when the big day of the beginning of our new adventure will be. We just couldn't be happier.

Deck the Halls with Bells and Holly

 This Christmas I had the opportunity to go to Utah and spend it with James and his family. It was a wonderful time meeting them and being with James again. We were able to go ice skating, see a movie, go out to dinner, and even attend a Jazz game. Really I felt so lucky, blessed, and a little spoiled at how well I was taken care of and wonderful it was to be welcomed into the family with open arms.

 

While I was in Utah I was able to plan and Olive Garden night to see all of my college besties. I have missed them sooooooo much. It was great to catch up and how it really seemed like no time had passed with them. We had wanted to go to see the Temple Square lights, however, it seems that they don't keep them lit all night and we missed closing time by an hour. Luckily we were able to find a few lights to take some cute pictures at. I love these girls with all my heart.

When I arrived back to Michigan it was nice to have Deanna home from Central and spend some time with her. We were able to drive around and reminisce about old times.When I am with these girls it seems like high school was just the other day and not three years ago. We have been through so much together and it is wonderful that we have kept in touch and as close as ever.

Christmas was such a wonderful season this year. I was so lucky to spend time with my family and friends and also my new family and new fiance. I felt like I was able to really remember and think about the Saviors birth. I am so grateful for the wonderful light that was brought into the world for me. He really was such a wonderful example of love and peace. Thank you Heavenly Father for giving us your Only Begotten Son to teach us the lessons that he did so that we can live our lives in his example so that one day I can live with you again. I love Christmas.

Thanksgiving

My best friend was able to come home for Thanksgiving. It was so nice to see her and get to make some more hilarious memories. We were able to have a night just us girls and go to Bubble Island like old times. For Thanksgiving day I headed up with my siblings to my Dad's house and spent the day eating delicious food and spending quality time with Omi's family and mine. I love how Thanksgiving brings everyone together and you are aloud to eat whatever you want, no calorie counting. Bless the Holidays :)

Travel Excitment

Counting down for the one thing that I am looking forward to most this season... GOING TO UTAH FOR CHRISTMAS!!! I can not even wait. Not only am I so excited that I will be in the same state as all of my good friends, and Temple Square, and the prettiest winter I feel, I am also going to be spending the whole trip with my man. Christmas with his family. It is going to be so much fun, I am really looking forward to this trip.

It seems that I never fail to have an adventure while traveling! I don't know what it is but something always has to happen to ensure there is some anxiety and stress that needs to be felt through the process. Thank goodness for the angels and the huge blessings thrown my way through all of this.

These blonde moments have been ridiculous! It really was my complete mistake and I will claim all responsibility for it, because instead of typing in Dec 30th for my return date I definitely types Jan 30th. Yup, so I had to pay an extra $113 to change the flight to Dec 29th. They are just outrageous!!! Thinking they can charge so much to have you fly. I am going to get to Utah for Christmas, and as much as I am not looking forward to it, I will get back to Detroit! Sooner than I had planned and a lot earlier in the day, but it's all going to work out :) it always does.

You are the Best thing that has ever been Mine

I am so in love right now.
However, I feel that I have come to the point where I don't even think "love" is the right word for this feeling. "Love" seems so small of a concept compared to the feeling that has consumed me. I no longer feel like the girl I used to be before he came into my life, or even remember who that girl was. He has completely changed my life and I can only wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I just blush and get all flustered and giddy when I think of him. He is the person I wake up thinking about in the morning and the one person I can't get out of my head when I go to sleep at night. There is no one that could compare and the person that I want to be when I am with him surpasses any dreams I ever had for myself. I literally feel like I have physically given him my whole heart. The distance between us leaves me with an ache in my stomach... I never knew you could physically miss someone. And really with him I'm not waiting for my happily ever after, I am starting in my happily ever beginning.



... our music video.

My new job & more

 I love my new job,working at the front desk for Douglas J institute. It is definitely a change from changing diapers all day and worrying about nap times and what is for lunch. Did I mention I am not having kids for at least 3-5 years. Girls if you ever feel that you want kids work as a nanny or at a daycare for about 3 months and if you can handle that then, GO FOR IT!

Tomorrow I have a job interview with Saline Community Education as one of their main secretaries. This is another perfect job and I am really hoping they meet me and realize that I am just the person they are looking for, not any of the other people who applied. I have a killer outfit, lovely hair, and a personality that shines so I mean I should just land this. Ha ha ha.

My best friend comes in 5 days and there aren't even words to describe how excited I am that she will finally be in the same state as me!!!

Goofy Suday

What do you do with all the left over streamers??? Well if you are the Miller family you become creative and make headbands out of it. Really the funny part was after we made all the head bands and took pictures. It was the permanent marker that was across our foreheads. Omi and I got a kick out of showing up to work with it, but thankfully with Omi's magic touch it came out with only a little scrubbing. Oh my family :)

Happy 1st Birthday Luly

The only little girl I know that instead of grabbing the cake and shoveling it into her mouth, took one finger and slowly just enjoyed that frosting.

Well we have to get our crazy from somewhere.

My beautiful Omi. Oh and that blue duck tape that comes after you tell your dad he looks 50 years older with his five o'clock shadow. He doesn't take very kindly to the idea that he is already 50 and could look a day over 25.

The star of the party. She got this as a present and couldn't wait to get it out of the box and start singing all the song's she knows... which for a 3 year old is a lot. Here we come American Idol. (note: Luly also found this gift enjoyable. Although the noises she made in the mike were unrecognizable she was still trying her hardest to sing like her older sister.)

My beautiful sister. I'll claim her on days like this when she forgets her age and that her job is to have a rude comment after anything said. Oh 12 year old girls... hopefully sooner than later this faze will end cause she really is the sweetest when she wants to be.

OBSESSED right now

Britney Spears.
I decided to put some of Britney's older songs on my IPod.
What a wonderful idea let me tell you.
If you are lacking in the sexy department or just need to jam out, Britney Spears has just what you have been missing.
Not only did I get caught full out dancing to her by a group of old men at the place I go to work out, I have officially gotten my Sexy Back, (sorry Justin Timberlake your song just wasn't cutting it).
Yes this woman is probably crazy in real life.
I mean what epic event in her life haven't the paparazzi caught.
But what true artist isn't a little unstable and a bit crazy.
Bless this woman for not letting other people tear her down (too much,) and setting the stage for the beats and words that make you want to dance anywhere from on top of a table, in front of your bedroom mirror, or in my case in front of smelly old men.
Love her.

Halloween

Oh my Sarah.
She is a natural on camera.
And just like her sister once she gets in front of the flashing lights she is ready with a pose.
She melts my heart and brings more laughter to my life than anyone I know.

 

Sarah and Luly.
This Halloween my little sisters dressed up at Fairy's.
They were precious. 
Sarah was so excited to go trick or treating that's all my Dad and Omi heard about all day.
When ever she would walk up to the door she would just stand there and yell "TRICK OR TREAT" with out even ringing the door bell.
Then after getting the candy she would run up to everyone in our walking group and say "SURPRISE!!!! Look I got another one."
By the end of her night she had a full pink pumpkin and was ready to count all her candy.
Such a fun Halloween.
I got kinda jealous and was living a little vicariously through her because oh to be young again, to dress up as what ever you could imagine, and ring the door bell of a strangers house to get free candy.
Bless America and there fun traditions.

I love Fall

I am enjoying the changing of the leaves.
This season is so beautiful.
Since Michigan is so green during the summer it becomes lovely shades of orange, red, and yellow during the Fall.
This is something I haven't experienced for 3 years since I have been in Utah at this time of year.
I am so grateful for the beauty of nature.
Note: Take time and look around your surroundings. Often times we are so busy trying to get where we are going we forget to stop and look around us at the beauty God has given us on the journey.

Finding Me

"As a person, I was pretty lost, but in the past 4 years I've been forced to grow up. I stopped letting boys define me and I started to believe in myself, and in my potential. And somewhere along the way, that lost little party girl finally grew up."

<3 I feel that quote defines quite a few chapters in my life. There was a large part of my life where I was trying to find myself. Often in the all the wrong places and circumstances but I feel that those moments only helped define who I am today, and I am thankful for them. I feel I have taken some very large steps in the right direction finally and can honestly say I have gotten to a point where I finally feel like myself. There are still many changes, stages, and adventures ahead, but I am no longer lost looking for my way. The path that I am on is clear and I am excited to see what lies ahead. Bring on the rain and more even more sunny days

Run

"I run because it's so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can't. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you're capable of so much more than you thought." --Arthur Blank



I feel that tomorrow I am going for a run. And then I am going to keep up with running because I really have been slacking in that department. Here is where I get back in my routine and start losing some inches.

Just...

Believe.
Trust your intuition.
Take flight towards your dreams.
Embrace your truth.
Collect moments of kindness.
Feel the abundance of your life.
Do the things you never though you would.
Celebrate the gifts of today.
Never give up. Ever.



love this song right now...

"Be patient with me, I'm still evolving"

All of life is a meditation, in which you are contemplating the Divine. This is called true wakefulness, or mindfulness.

Experienced in this way, everything in life is blessed. There is struggle and pain and worry no more. There is only experience, which you may choose to label in any way you wish. You may choose to label all of it perfection.

Labels, the world is so obsessed with labels. Of calling something as what ever they can justify with their mind. Nothing ever just is. The shirt can not be purple because you interpret the shirt as a certain shade of color by what you have experienced through your past. So then no one person can ever just be. They are what others assume they are, as they assume themselves as. I am a sweet, free loving girl. My love does not cost anything and it is never ending. I trust therefore i give. I love because it is the one law i agree with completely. It is the one thing that makes sense. With out love there is nothing because all things need an opposite to thrive and love is the end all... the answer. Once you get my love it flourishes. There is no giving it back or using too much. It flows to you because i am love. Once i decide to give my love no matter the circumstance it flows. This action i feel has been assumed and labeled as a gift that can be abused and creates a girl who can be walked on. Label this... I choose to love whole heartedly to all. There is no way it dries up or runs out. It is ever flowing. It is given to me from above to channel and give to others. So i do. 

The Best Idea Yet

I am  going to Seattle tomorrow and I can not wait!

Oh the adventure of getting a ticket, but it seems that when ever there is opposition in this relationship it always works out. We have the best luck together... Now some not-so-wonderful things have happened in our lives, however, when we are together I feel that there isn't anything that could stand in our way.

I am spending a total of 6 days in Seattle with him. And a total of 5 days all day with him! That never happens since his profession is quite a time consuming and demanding one! YEAH!!!! Really this is only the beginning of the rest of our wonderful life together! I really couldn't see me with anyone else and I wouldn't want to. Perfection.

Then I will come back and start full time as a Leapin' Lizard employee taking care of young children at a daycare. Why I didn't just go into early childcare is beyond me because it seems all the jobs I get have to do with children. Bless them.

That's all for now :)

Learn and Grow

One step forward, one step forward, one step forward. Two steps forward and one step back. Three steps forward, three steps back. Five steps forward, two steps back. No....this is not a math lesson.... this is life, lovely girl!!!

Please don't freak out or beat yourself up when you have setbacks. You are not a failure. You did not make bad plans and your steps backward do not determine your worth as a human being.

Sometimes we think we have things figured out, or that we have overcome something...and then it returns to our lives in a different way...leaving us to feel like we have failed in some way. What this actually is, is a beautiful new chance to learn and grow....and it shows up right when we are ready to take it on, even if it seems otherwise.

Remember that life is a process...all of it. There are lots of finish lines, not just one. We get to start new climbs, new races....every day. Some days we are moving forward effortlessly, some days we are learning to work through life in other ways. It's all good and it's all necessary....and you are doing a tremendous job. Reach for the gifts found in the setbacks and decide that tomorrow is a brand new day.....


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